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                                  B"H
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                         L'CHAIM - ISSUE # 1450
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                           Copyright (c) 2016
                 Lubavitch Youth Organization - L.Y.O.
                              Brooklyn, NY
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             THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION FOR EVERY JEWISH PERSON
   Dedicated to the memory of Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka Schneerson N.E.
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        December 9, 2016        Vayetzei          9 Kislev, 5777
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                        Honor, Esteem & Respect

Though published over two decades ago, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From
Venus is still garnering pop-culture references in all forms of media.
Well, long before John Gray's book ever hit the best-sellers list,
Judaism always opined that men and women are different!

In the Talmud, our Sages say it clearly and succinctly: "Women are a
people unto themselves."

Since men and women are different and Judaism acknowledges these
differences, the Torah has much to say about the relationship between
husband and wife.

The Talmud advises husbands, "Love your wife as much as yourself and
honor her more than yourself."

Maimonides suggests to wives, "Honor your husband more than is
necessary."

Honor, esteem, and respect - these are fundamental aspects of a Jewish
marriage.

But what about love? Isn't love an integral component of a Torah
marriage?

Let's look at the Jewish concept of love.

The word for love in Hebrew is "ahava" which comes from the word "hav,"
meaning "give."

The world says, "What can I get out of this marriage? What can I gain?
What's in it for me?"

The Torah says, "What can I put into this relationship? What can I
give?" The Torah teaches us that the way to foster love is not by taking
but rather by giving, and being a willing and active recipient.

Just for a minute, think about that cute little baby - your own child,
the neighbor's, your niece or nephew, or grandchild.

A natural reaction when around an infant is to pick it up, and cuddle
it. Before you know it, you'll find yourself saying "I love you" to the
baby. What has the baby given to you? Nothing. But you are giving to the
baby - hugs, cuddles, kisses, coos - and this giving evokes in you a
love for the baby.

Society teaches that each of us is the center of the world.

The Torah, however, teaches that G-d is the center of the world.

If we make room in our lives, and especially in our marriages, not only
for our partner, but also for G-d, we have a tested formula for a stable
marriage.

This is beautifully expressed by our Sages in their discussion of
husband and wife.

"Man" in Hebrew is "ish"; woman is "isha."

Both words have two letters in common, "alef" and "shin," which spell
"fire."

The two disparate letters are "yud" and "hei."

When yud and hei are combined they spell one of G-d's names. When
husband and wife live without G-d in their midst, all that is left is
"aish" - an all-consuming fire.

The Torah calls the wedding ceremony "kidushin," meaning
"sanctification."

And the word for marriage comes from the Hebrew "to lift up."

If husband and wife devote themselves to lifting each other up
throughout the ups and downs of marriage by following the guidelines of
the Torah, they will be truly sanctified and their marriage will be
holy.


    In honor of the anniversary of the Rebbe and Rebbetzin on 14 Kislev.

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           LIVING WITH THE REBBE  -  THE WEEKLY TORAH PORTION
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In this week's Torah portion, Vayeitzei, we read about Jacob's life in
Haran. Jacob's  life was fraught with difficulty. Laban, a corrupt,
lying, immoral person, tried to swindle Jacob in every way possible.
(And what's more, Laban was Jacob's father-in-law!) Yet through it all,
Jacob succeeded in building a beautiful family, and amassing great
wealth.

Why is it important to tell us all these details, a whole portion of
Jacob's difficulties, and victories?

What are we meant to take from this portion for our personal lives and
as a people?

The portion starts with Jacob's dream, where he saw a ladder whose base
was on earth and its top was in heaven.

We are Jacob. Jacob's leaving to Haran is us going into exile. Many
lessons are to be taken to deal with our nation's struggles, and our
personal suffering.

To accomplish great things is fraught with difficulties. Jacob starting
the Jewish nation is challenged with suffering, but he knows that these
difficulties are the motions necessary to accomplish the purpose at
hand.

Ultimately, Jacob succeeds and returns to the Land of Israel with a
beautiful family and great wealth. His suffering is not for naught,
rather it is the foundation of his greatest accomplishments.

All this is related in Jacob's dream. The ladder is standing on the
ground, symbolizing the physical world with all the difficulties and
suffering. Its top reaches heaven, teaching that our interaction with
the physical world can be holy and reach the heaven.

The suffering and difficulties we endure are accomplishing amazing
things, and in the end, when Moshiach comes we will see the fruits of
our labor. Even more, we create the ladder that connects heaven and
earth, fusing the two. This fusion is the essential purpose of creation,
it is the Jewish mission, making this world a dwelling for G-d.

I'm not sure why, but this fusion is accomplished through our suffering.
I think we have suffered enough. Let Moshiach come.

           Adapted by Rabbi Yitzi Hurwitz from the teachings of the
            Rebbe, yitzihurwitz.blogspot.com. Rabbi Hurwitz, who is
       battling ALS, and his wife Dina, are emissaries of the Rebbe
                                                   in Temecula, Ca.

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                             SLICE OF LIFE
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                             Out of the Box
                       by Rabbi Yechiel Baitelman

A friend of mine, a young man who lives in Richmond, Canada, told me the
following story:

He was packing his bags in New Orleans for his trip home to Vancouver
and debated whether to put his Tefillin in his carry on or in his
checked luggage. The flight left at night and he would be home by
morning. His itinerary called for a two- hour layover in Houston and a
quick connection to Vancouver. The trip was short enough that he
wouldn't need the Tefilin on the flight or at the airport, but he
decided to keep them with him in his carry-on bag.

After getting to the airport and checking his bags, he learned the
flight was delayed because of bad weather in Houston. The flight didn't
end up leaving for over three hours and he missed his connection home to
Vancouver. He was booked on the next available flight but that wasn't
for a very long 14 hours. He stopped counting at about 12.

This was definitely an unexpected turn. He didn't bring much along in
terms of food or entertainment, but he did have his Tefillin.

Actually, the unexpected turned good - he got to know a lot of the nice
people who worked at the stores in the airport. The best part was that
while he was tefillin taking off his Tefillin after finishing his
mitzvah, someone was calling out his name in Hebrew!! He didn't know too
many people in Houston, and hardly anybody calls him by his Hebrew name.

A fellow came up to him and excitedly told him, "I was on that same
flight, and I too am going to Vancouver. Unfortunately I checked my
Tefilin. Can I use yours"?

My Richmond friend was of course happy to do this mitzvah and glad to be
able to help! But how did the fellow know his name?!? Then he remembered
...  his name was stitched onto his Tefilin bag that I had given him as
a gift.

So, the other fellow checked his Tefilin, but my friend didn't. He did
end up needing them, but for something completely different. He was able
to do a mitzvah and help someone else do a mitzvah as well.

These seemingly random encounters sometimes make the trip better than we
could ever imagine. Perhaps these encounters are not random after all.
As we get ready to travel this summer, let's remember the unexpected can
give us the chance to do a good turn.

Something needed, something given, something lost or found - do you have
a story of travel good turns?

Turn your travels into a meaningful experience.

                                *  *  *


When Josh Kositsky walked into my classroom on the first day of Hebrew
school several years ago, he was very nervous - not nervous - excited as
so many new students are, just plain worried.

I soon realized the reason for his unease was that he was having trouble
reading my lips as I spoke. You see, Josh is deaf.

When he was born, his parents were told he would never speak because of
his "disability." His potential was put in a box and given a label "You
won't speak."

At some point in Josh's life he chose not to accept that label he
decided to break out of that box that was labelled, "You won't speak"
and he decided to speak. I don't know what made him choose to move
forward and learn to speak, but he did and he has never looked back.

Thirteen years ago Josh celebrated his Bar Mitzva at Chabad in a loud
and proud voice. This was a day that not only did Josh prove to the
world he was becoming a Jewish man, but he shouted to the world "I will
not be put in a box, I will not be labelled." That was a day I also
learned the power of choice.

And what fills my heart with joy is that every year since, Josh has come
back to do more of the reading of his Torah portion. In fact, a couple
of weeks ago, he chose to read more than ever before. Again Josh chose
to push himself and accomplish just a bit more.

Josh doesn't define himself by the things he was told he could not do or
by the things others labelled him with. Josh defines himself with what
he wants and on his terms and by his own choices. This is a gift that
G-d has given all of us, and I wonder if we maybe do not use this gift
enough.

Josh continues to outdo what others ever expect of him, but that is not
what is ultimately important to Josh, Josh refuses to stay in a box with
a label that is what drives Josh. I believe Josh will do many great
things in his life, and I know what ever those great things are they
will be Joshes choices.

Do you know someone who has broken out of a box and ripped of the label,
exceeded expectations?  Have you ever amazed yourself with something you
thought you couldn't do, only to find out you could and much more?

Use the upcoming Shabbat to allow yourself to think outside of the box,
it is a gift we all have and no one can take it away.

    Rabbi Yechiel and Chanie Baitelman direct Chabad of Richmond, in
    British Columbia, Canada. These stories are from his blog.

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                               WHAT'S NEW
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                                  TGIS

Thousands of teens from across the globe gathered in November for a
Shabbat of inspiration, learning, and unity organized by CTeen
International. Nine countries and over 125 CTeen chapters participated
in T.G.I.S: Thank G-d It's Shabbat. Some CTeen chapters took T.G.I.S to
the next level, inviting nearby CTeen groups to spend Shabbat together
for a joint weekend. Plans for the International CTeen Shabbaton in
Crown Heights, Brooklyn, in February are well underway. To get involved
see CTeen.com and on Facebook @JewishTeens.
                          Moscow Jewish Museum


The Tolerance Center at the Moscow Jewish Museum has been awarded the
Madanjit Singh Prize for the promotion of tolerance and non-violence.
The award ceremony was held at the UNESCO headquarters in Paris. The
center was recognized for its wide range of activities, including
research and educational programs promoting dialogue between religions
and world-views, with a particular focus on youth.

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                            THE REBBE WRITES
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                            Free Translation

                      10th of Kislev, 5714 [1953]
             To my brethren, everywhere G-d bless you all!

Sholom uBrocho [Peace and Blessing]:

In connection with the Day of Liberation (19th of Kislev) of the Founder
of Chabad, Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, author of the Tanya, whose
release from imprisonment for the dissemination of Chabad established
freedom of though and practice of the ideology and way of life of Chabad
Chassidism in particular, and of General Chassidism as a whole,

I wish to express herewith my inner wish, that every one of us be
liberated, with G-d's help and by determined personal effort, from all
handicaps which arrest the good and noble in everyone's nature, so that
this part of one's nature reign supreme, giving fullest expression of
the three-fold love: love of our people Israel, love of our Torah, and
love of G-d, which are all one.

Our Sages said that "Each and every soul was in the presence of His
Divine Majesty before coming down to this earth," and that "The souls
are hewn from under the Seat of Glory."

These sayings emphasize the essential nature of the soul, its holiness
and purity, and its being completely divorced from anything material and
physical; the soul itself, by its very nature, is not subject to any
material desires or temptations, which arise only from the physical body
and "animal soul."

Nevertheless, it was the Creator's Will that the soul - which is "truly
a 'part' of the Divine Above," should descend into the physical and
coarse world and be confined within, and united with, a physical body
for scores of years, in a state which is absolutely abhorrent of its
very nature. All this, for the purpose of a Divine mission which the
soul has to fulfill: to purify and "spiritualize" the physical body and
the related physical environment by permeating them with the Light of
G-d, so as to make this world an abode for the Shechina [the Divine
Presence]. This can be done only through a life of Torah and Mitsvoth
[commandments].

When the soul fulfills this mission, all the transient pain and
suffering connected with the soul's descent and life on this earth are
not only justified, but infinitely outweighed by the great reward and
everlasting bliss which the soul enjoys thereafter.

From the above one can easily appreciate the extent of the tragedy of
disregarding the soul's mission on earth. For in doing so one condemns
the soul to a term of useless suffering not compensated for, nor
nullified by that everlasting happiness which G-d had intended for it.
Even when there are moments of religious activity in the study of the
Torah and the practice of the Mitsvoth, it is sad to contemplate how
often such activity is tinted by the lack of real enthusiasm and inner
joy, not realizing that these are the activities which justify
existence.

Aside from missing the vital point through failure of taking advantage
of the opportunity to fulfill G-d's Will, thus forfeiting the
everlasting benefits to be derived therefrom, it is contrary to sound
reason to choose that side of life which accentuates the enslavement and
degradation of the soul, while rejecting the good that is inherent in
it, namely, the great ascent that is to come from the soul's descent.

It will now become eminently clear what our Sages meant when they said,
"No man commits a sin unless he was stricken with temporary insanity."
No profound thinking is required to realize that since " life is
compulsory," and since the soul which is a "part" of the Divine Above is
compelled to descend into "a frame of dust and ashes," the proper thing
to do is to make the most of the soul's sojourn on earth; only a life,
in which every aspect is permeated by the Torah and Mitsvoth, makes this
possible.
                        continued in next issue


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                              ALL TOGETHER
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                  What is the "Shemona Esrei" prayer?

The Shemona Esrei prayer is the central prayer in the three daily
services. "Shemona Esrei"means eighteen and the prayer was called thus,
because when it was compiled by the Men of the Great Assembly (around
428 b.c.e.) it had 18 blessings. An additional nineteenth blessing
concerning slanderers was added by Rabbi Gamliel II toward the end of
the first century. The Shemona Esrei is also referred to as the Amida -
meaning "standing," because it is recited while Standing

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                        A WORD FROM THE DIRECTOR
                         Rabbi Shmuel M. Butman
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The ninth of Kislev (this year Friday, December 9) is the birth and
passing of the Mitteler Rebbe, Rabbi Dov Ber (the second Lubavitcher
Rebbe).

In the summer of 1827 (5587) Rabbi Dov Ber made the journey to the
village of Haditch, the resting place of his father, Rabbi Shneur
Zalman. Although Chasidic insights usually flowed from his lips, on this
occasion he was silent and meditative.

He had been heard to express certain apprehension concerning the year
5588 (1827): "My father passed on at the age of fifty-four. He had been
presented from heaven with a choice: either death or severe suffering.
He chose the second [he was subsequently imprisoned]; it seems that he
left the first to me." All of this presaged unhappy events.

The High Holidays had arrived by the time Rabbi Dov Ber arrived in
Haditch. Soon it would be 5588. Chasidim arrived in droves and assembled
in the House of Study that Rabbi Dov Ber had built near the grave of his
father to hear his Chasidic discourses. After one session, the Rebbe
remained at the grave to pray and meditate. When he had finished, he
emerged with a radiant appearance and announced to his startled
Chasidim, "I have persuaded my father to promise that I will be relieved
of my position of Rebbe."

The Chasidim didn't know what to make of this announcement, but it was
assumed that the Rebbe was indicating to them his intention to fulfill
his long-held desire to travel to the Holy Land. They were completely
distraught, and asked one another, "How could the Rebbe leave us like
this, a flock without a shepherd?"

But when they voiced their fears to the Rebbe himself, he replied, "But
you will have my son-in-law Mendel, who will be a faithful shepherd,"
referring to the Tzemach Tzedek.

The Rebbe continued his journey going by way of the town of Niezhin,
where he became ill. His illness progressed and finally he passed away
there. It was 9 Kislev, 5588 (1827) the Rebbe's 54th birthday.

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                          THOUGHTS THAT COUNT
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And Esau said to Jacob: "Let me swallow now some of this very red stuff"
(Gen. 25:30).

Jacob cooked a stew of red lentils to provide the first, traditional
meal for his mourning father, Isaac. On that very day, Abraham had died
so that he wouldn't witness the wickedness of his grandson, Esau. Why
lentils? They resemble a wheel whose every part touches the ground.
Mourning is like a wheel, sooner or later it touches everyone.

                                                            (Rashi)

                                *  *  *


Jacob went out from Beersheba and went toward Charan (Gen. 28:10)

Rabbi Pinchas said, in the name of Rabbi Abahu: According to the Torah,
whomever a person marries is predestined by G-d. Some people must go out
to meet their mate; others have their mate come to them. Isaac's wife,
Rivka, came to him: "And Isaac went out to meditate in the field...and
he lifted up his eyes and saw, behold, there were camels coming. And
Rivka lifted up her eyes, and she saw Isaac." Jacob, however, had to
travel to Charan to meet his future wives.

                                                   (Breishit Rabba)

                                *  *  *


And he reached (vayifga) a certain place... (Gen. 28:11)

The Hebrew word "vayifga," "and he reached," implies prayer. It was
especially necessary for Jacob to pray for guidance as he set out for
Charan, for he knew that the challenges he would find there would be far
more trying than those he had experienced in the rarefied atmosphere of
the yeshiva. He therefore prayed for the strength to withstand the
difficult trials he would encounter.

                                                   (Likutei Sichot)

                                *  *  *


...And he took one of the stones of the place, and put it under his head
(Gen. 28:11)

Why didn't Jacob choose something softer to use as a pillow? Jacob said,
"A stone of Eretz Yisrael is more precious than all the pillows and
cushions I will ever use in the Diaspora."

                                                      (Otzar Chaim)

                                *  *  *


Behold, a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reaching to
heaven. (Gen. 28:12)

The Tzemach Tzedek, third Chabad Rebbe, explained that "earth" hints to
that part of the soul which is enclothed in the body. "Heavens" is
symbolic of the essence and basis of the soul, which is too high to be
related to the body. The "ladder" is prayer, which joins and connects
these two aspects of the soul.

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                            IT ONCE HAPPENED
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Rabbi Peretz Chein was a great Torah scholar and a Chasid of Rabbi Dov
Ber Shneuri, the second Rebbe of Chabad-Lubavitch known as the Mitteler
Rebbe. Reb Peretz was sent by the Mitteler Rebbe to be the rabbi in the
city of Beshenkowitz.

Reb Peretz was very uneasy about taking on the position in Beshenkowitz;
a man by the name of Reb Aharon had caused grief to all the previous
Chasidic rabbis of the town. Reb Aharon was a great scholar in his own
right and was vehemently opposed to Chasidism. He used his genius to
confound the rabbis and ultimately to get rid of them.

Reb Aharon's way of operating was as follows: He would present all
manner of difficult questions to the rabbi upon his arrival in
Beshenkowitz. After the rabbi would render his decision, Reb Aharon and
his friends would present a strong case for an opposing position. If at
any time, a rabbi conceded that he had erred, he was ridiculed by Reb
Aharon and his cronies until he left the town in disgrace.

Therefore, when the Mitteler Rebbe assigned Rabbi Peretz to become the
rabbi of this town, it was no wonder that the latter was nervous. He
told the Rebbe his concerns, saying that under the circumstances he did
not think he could go there. The Rebbe told him that "they had approved
of this in Heaven," but Rabbi Peretz was still apprehensive. The Rebbe
finally told him to go there, "oif meina pleitzes" (on my shoulders).
Hearing this, Rabbi Peretz rejoiced and said, "Rebbe, I'm going! If it's
on the Rebbe's shoulders, I have nothing to fear."

Rabbi Peretz arrived at Beshenkowitz and began leading the town as its
rabbi. Reb Aharon, of course, began sending all sorts of questions his
way through his various emissaries, but Rabbi Peretz always managed to
prove the validity of his legal decisions.

Reb Aharon once sent him a particularly complicated question. Rabbi
Peretz scrutinized the item in question and pronounced it kosher. Reb
Aharon immediately galvanized his friends into action. They attacked the
rabbi's decision with strong, convincing proofs. Rabbi Peretz worked
arduously to justify his position.

At the height of the debate, the antagonists repeatedly demanded,
"What's your source? From where did you derive your decision?" Finally,
Rabbi Peretz pointed towards a packed bookcase and said, "From there."

Rabbi Peretz had meant that, in general, his decision had been based on
the holy books housed in the bookcase, but evidently one of his
opponents understood him to be referring to a particular book. So he
took the book out and opened it up to see what it said.

Lo and behold, this was a book of Jewish legal responsa, and by an
incredible instance of Divine Providence, the place he opened to was
precisely the topic they were discussing! There the author referred to
the sources the antagonists were quoting in attempt to disprove Rabbi
Peretz, and it went on to explain how each point was taken out of
context. In the book of responsa, the final ruling was in accordance
with the opinion that had been derived by Rabbi Peretz.

When Reb Aharon and his cohorts saw the proof in black and white with
their very eyes, they meekly left the house. From then on, they no
longer persecuted Rabbi Peretz.

"That's when I saw," said Rabbi Peretz afterwards, "that the Rebbe had
indeed taken me on his holy shoulders."

                    Adapted from a story in Beis Moshiach Magazine.

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                            MOSHIACH MATTERS
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"He (Jacob) came to the place and spent the night there because the sun
went down, he took some stones from the place and put them at his head,
and he lay down on that place "(Gen. 28:10) The place thrice referred to
in this verse is Mt. Moriah, later to be the site of the Holy Temples.
It is written three times to represent the three Holy Temples. The first
time, "the sun went down," corresponds to the destruction of the first
Temple. The second time, "he took some of the stones," reveals the
Second Temple had only some of the holiness of the first one. The third
time it says "and he lay down in that place," referring to the Third
Temple to be built when Moshiach comes, for then we will be able to rest
and serve G-d in peace.

                                                        (Abarbanel)

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               END OF TEXT - L'CHAIM 1450 - Vayetzei 5777
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